Kick in the butt

Today was one of those days that I needed a wake up call and in some ways needed a swift kick in the butt, kinda like the way plunger does to the medal ball in a pinball machine.  My mom through her words gave me the boot and umph that I needed to get some things done that I had been ignoring or putting off and saying to myself “Oh, I know this needs to be done….I’ll do it later” and just making up in my mind that I need to do it. I did get a few things done such as straightened up my desk area which has been a disorganized mess for quite some time. So I got started with that and worked on straightening up a part of desk and in the process cleaned out my desk drawer that also had gotten cluttered and rather messy. I still have a bit more organizing and sorting to do but I have made some headway.  Before I go on I do want to make one thing clear, I didn’t do this necessarily because my mom brought it to my attention that I need to keep my room as well the common areas clean. I did it for myself, for me. I realized that I need to be the adult woman that I am get do the things that I need to do.  In addition I need to stop using the excuse of “Well why should I do everything or why do I have to do everything when my father”, who I live,  “doesn’t do anything?!”  But I thought about that and knew that was a load of crap.  I reminded myself that it doesn’t matter whether my father does keep the house clean or not that’s not problem or issue that’s on him.  I need to focus and stay in my own lane and pay attention to the things that I need to do and want to accomplish in my life.  If I continue to focus on my father and what he does or doesn’t do it’s going to keep going around and round in circles. In the end I will have accomplished a whole lot of nothing!  So I’m going to take it one day at a time and work on doing the things that I need to do.  I have unfortunately missed out on a whole of things and opportunities the past several years and I am not proud of it, in fact I find it quite depressing, discouraging and embarrassing. But I can’t go back in time and change it all I can do is move forward.